one step at a time

I’m seriously in a state of depression. I don’t know what to do. I have no one. Literally no one. I just let my best friend, the best thing that has ever happened to me, and the love of my life just leave. That easily. I’m so stupid, and I hate myself right now. I’ve cried myself to sleep, cried myself to a migraine and now I’m just confused and upset. I thought this was what I wanted, but it isn’t at all. Maybe I need time? Space? I just don’t see anything getting better.

Not to mention, I’m worried sick about my mema. She has been in the hospital with stomach-related issues, serious ones at that, for a while now. She hasn’t had anything to eat in 3 weeks. Now, her ovarian cancer has come back again. She has battled it three times and I really don’t want to see her suffer even more than she already is.

Dance is stressing me out. Our show is in two weeks and I just started like, a month ago. I only know one dance. I have to learn two more in basically like 3 practices. I’m going to make a fool out of myself on stage. And I really wanted Dillon to come watch me but he probably won’t……

SCHOOL is probably the most stressful thing right now. I have so many finals to worry about. And my AP exam, which I should be worrying more about. And my AP porfolio.. which I was halfway through with until someone stole my flashdrive, now I have to start completely over.

Cheerleading is about to start, and I just got a job. Which is a good thing, but I have to miss practice like 3 times, the first week. I haven’t told my coach yet, I’m scared she is going to be pissed.

The SAT is coming up… I actually need to do decent on it.

I need to go on college visits..

I need to go shopping..

I need to workout more and eat better..

I just have so much to do, and so much on my mind right now, and I can’t concentrate on one thing. The only thing I can focus on is how absolutely stupid I am for letting go of the best thing I’ve ever had.